Dissatisfied Customer is one of those cards players keep asking about. Here is, in plain words, what its official text says, the rulings published by Wizards of the Coast, and the combos players actually run.
Official card text
Flying, haste When this creature enters, roll a six-sided die. If the result is 3 or less, you lose that much life.
Complete guide
Dissatisfied Customer is a high-speed Vampire Guest that brings immediate pressure to the board with flying and haste. However, its arrival is often accompanied by a toll on your life total depending on a roll of the dice. Navigating this card requires a mix of aggression and a willingness to gamble with your health.
A Risky Entrance
Dissatisfied Customer has an enters-the-battlefield triggered ability that forces you to roll a six-sided die (d6). This ability checks the result immediately after the roll. If the result is 3, 2, or 1, you lose life equal to that result. If the result is 4 or higher, you escape the penalty entirely. Because the life loss is part of the resolution of the triggered ability, you do not know how much life you will lose until the ability is already resolving.
The Mechanics of the Roll
When the ability resolves, you roll a fair d6. If an effect modifies the result of your roll, the game checks the modified number to see if it is '3 or less.' For example, if a spell or ability reduces your roll to 0 or less, the condition is still met, but you will lose 0 life. You cannot gain life from a negative roll result. Additionally, if you are forced to reroll, the original result is ignored as if it never happened for all game purposes.
Strategy and Timing
Since Dissatisfied Customer has haste, it is best played when you need to immediately attack or pressure a planeswalker. Be mindful of your life total before casting it; if you are at 1 life, a roll of 1 will cause you to lose the game. Since the roll happens upon entering, you cannot wait to see the result before deciding whether or not to cast the spell.
Interaction examples
Roaming ThroneIf you have Roaming Throne on the battlefield with 'Vampire' chosen as the creature type, Dissatisfied Customer's ability triggers twice when it enters. You will perform two separate die rolls. For each roll, if the result is 3 or less, you lose that much life. This means you could potentially lose life twice if luck is not on your side.
Solemn SimulacrumIn a turn where you play Solemn Simulacrum followed by Dissatisfied Customer, the abilities do not interact directly but follow a specific sequence. You first resolve the Simulacrum's trigger to get a land. When you cast Dissatisfied Customer, its haste allows it to attack immediately, while the Simulacrum provides a defensive body. The die roll for the Customer happens as soon as it hits the table, regardless of what other creatures are present.
Guide written with AI from the official text and rulings. Official English text prevails.
How it works : Dissatisfied Customer
Original English text — Wizards of the Coast / Scryfall
- #1· Wizards of the Coast
If the result is 0 or less, because of modifications to the result, you won't lose any life. You also won't gain any life if the result is somehow negative.
No other card is named in this ruling.
- #2· Wizards of the Coast
Each die is identified by the number of faces it has. A six-sided die is a die with six equally likely outcomes: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6. The roll must be fair. Although physical dice are recommended, digital substitutes are allowed except in cases where the physical die is required for the effect.
No other card is named in this ruling.
- #3· Wizards of the Coast
If an ability triggers "whenever you roll a die," it will trigger whenever you roll any die, including the planar die. This is a change from previous Un- rules. Some abilities use the result to determine part of the effect. If you get a non-numerical result (currently just the planar die, but the future is long), that part of the effect won't do anything.
No other card is named in this ruling.
- #4· Wizards of the Coast
Something in the game must tell you to roll a die. If you roll a die for any other reason (to simulate a coin flip, to choose pizza toppings, to create alternate timelines), that roll doesn't count.
No other card is named in this ruling.
- #5· Wizards of the Coast
Some effects may modify the result of a die roll. This may be part of the instruction to roll a die, or it may come from other cards. Anything that references the "result" of a die roll is looking for the result after these modifications.
No other card is named in this ruling.
- #6· Wizards of the Coast
If a die is rerolled, the original roll essentially never happened: it doesn't cause any abilities to trigger, and no effect that cares about die rolls will consider it.
No other card is named in this ruling.
- #7· Wizards of the Coast
Results can be numbers not ordinarily possible on a six-sided die. Spells like Scooch can change the result to 0 or 7, for example.
No other card is named in this ruling.
Legal formats
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